He was the typical “good Christian boy,” the boy every mother wanted her son to be like. No one knew he was gay.
This is his story of finding his way as a gay Christian.
Growing up in a Bible-believing church, Justin Lee read the Bible, prayed and attended Sunday school. His family was loving and supportive, teaching him about God.
At age 7, he received Christ, reaffirming this commitment when he was older. Because he believed evangelism was an important mission for him, he spoke about his faith at school.
In fifth grade, he began to have sexual feelings, directed toward his male friends. He read and discovered that sexual confusion at his age was normal. Still, he felt sinful.
In middle school, Justin’s friends discovered girls. They told each other about girls they liked. He told a friend he liked a girl. When his friend asked him if he thought she was pretty, Justin did not know what to say. He had never thought of girls as being “pretty.” He answered that what counted was she was nice on the inside.
When he began having sexual dreams, however, he dreamed about boys. In a blog post, he said, he “woke up terrified, feeling sick, dirty, and perverted, from dreams about other boys my age.” He prayed and trusted that God would help him.
In high school, the issue of homosexuality came up. Justin stood firm in his belief that being gay was sinful. When his friends accused him of being homophobic, he held his ground. “I wanted to be compassionate and yet stand for God’s truth,” he said in his blog post.
During his senior year, Justin dated a Christian girl. He wrote, “There was never any physical aspect to the relationship.” He wrote that “the romantic part of me wanted to save our first kiss for a time when I really felt the urge to kiss her. After months of dating, I still hadn’t done any more than to kiss her on the cheek.”
At a Christian rock concert that he and his girlfriend attended, he was attracted to a young man in the audience. He could not tell his girlfriend. A friend told him he was bisexual, something that Justin then decided he was. However, he eventually discarded that idea because he realized he had never been attracted to the female form. He broke up with his girlfriend.
Even after admitting to himself he was gay, he still asked God to make him straight. He wrote, “Finally, I stopped telling God what I wanted Him to do and started asking Him to show me what to do.”
Justin studied scripture, put his story on the internet, and received emails from a gay large campus Christian group, revealing his homosexuality to them. Some accepted him; others ostracized him. He also came out to his parents, but “we were still arguing about what it all meant,” he said in his blog.
Even though Justin fell into a deep depression, he still had his faith. That is when he said “something miraculous happened.” Discover the miracle that led Justin to help gay Christians all over the world find their way as gay Christians.
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